sighs and cries
That’s how long Joe will be gone for working at camp. Of course I’ll be feeling down in the dumps time to time with his absence, but i’m strong enough to carry on myself; it’s just two months! Who am I kidding? The thing that is bothering me is the fact that he will be gone for that amount of time. Past experiences come back to haunt me, and I can only seem to bring out those specific feelings from those days. The days where I waited for months on end for a specific person to come back. For that person to come back and whisper sweet nothings to me but put the breaks on any other advancements with my own feelings for him. That was all recent in my life, and to finally get the swing into things with a lovely person, like Joe, and to have it paused for a semi long period of time is giving me an itch at the back of my head like no other. Now, I don’t mind at all that he’s gone for so long, but it makes my head click with other memories; a switch if you please; all that betrayal really did a number to my head.
Ah, but i’m happy for Joe being able to be put into the woods. To go out and relax in one of his favorite environments and using his talent and skills to work with other people. If anything, i’m proud of him. And I trust and love him enough with all my heart that I second guess myself for anything. I have something better now and I should see at what I have here and look forward to what’s in store for me with this wonderful person. The past is starting to become dust, and i’m glad that being apart for a certain amount of time let’s me think about my priorities and test how strong we can be together as a couple.
It’s giving me such a headache, I really don’t know what to do… I’m jealous of other people’s families who have close talks and try to understand each other. Why can’t I have that? Why doesn’t it work when I ask for that? Is it really that hard to gain? Am I doing something wrong?
You go and tell mom that she can’t raise us? what are you even scared of? I don’t even want to call you my father sometimes. you made her cry. You made her feel guilty about everything. You know why I ask her for permission? Because she actually understands when I ask to go out unlike you; you never listen so you just go on about whatever it is you want to say and make it go only your way. You never had any compromise and you never looked at it in another sense. What are you still blocking me away from? Just let me go already.
Just stop it. I’m tired of the way you handle things, i’m tired at the fact that I have no voice in this house, and i’m tired of you.
I have SO much on my mind right now.
Should I keep on ranting about people?
Maybe. Sure. Yeah.
Until the bread pudding is ready.
so please stop acting like you’re old enough for all of this.
same goes for me, but i’m different from you.
i’ve been to more places and experienced things that you wouldn’t be able to imagine in that shallow little mind of yours.
what i’ve done would make your head spin, and what i’m doing now will turn you into a ragged bag of bones.
If only I could call you out on everything; just to sit you down and explain to you how much of a hypocritical, vain, spiteful piece of work you are.
I’m speaking about the few people I know who make me want to do this. Alas, timing is everything, and to say that aloud now would be very undignified of me. I have my limits and all I have to do is wait for my chance to do so. But for now, timing is everything, and venting out on this blog is all I can do for now.
When the time comes, though, i’ll be coming at you with a full swing.
